again

OK, so I kicked him out again!

I am so tired of the up and down back and forth of it all...

Is it really me, is marriage not for me? Or is it really him? I don't know what the heLL is going on, but I do know I can't take it anymore.

I've got so many changes going on in my life... work... my dad... emotionally... There is only so much I have to give to a marriage. And he does not appear to be helping matters any. He is supportive to an extent. He did some driving and appointment keeping for me, took some of the stress and worry off my back... But how come his unemployed ass cannot fold laundry, or arrange to meet some of my needs? I need him to WANT to do things with me. To WANT to play cards and have a relaxing, social evening with me. I need him to WANT to have a regular sex life with me. To WANT to be with me in every sense of the word...

I mean what's up with that?!?!? I know, I repeat, I KNOW I am an attractive woman... I am NO supermodel, but I'm a hot girl... I had MORE than my share of male (clears throat) suitors... I've had the best of times and experiments and adventures, but what the heLL is HIS problem?!?! I mean really what the fuck is his problem? Why can't he do this right? Why can't he chose to keep his ass at home with his wife? Why does he have to come up with excuses and leave the house for proloooooonged periods of time for this bullshit or that bullshit and end up making me so pissed off over the bullshit that I end up having to lock him out?!?!

Or is it me??? Am I too demanding? Am I too needy?? Am I a sex addict???

What the heLL? How do I fix it?? How do I stop it???

How do I end it?

Till Death Do us Part

Hey PeePs!!!


I know it's been awhile since I've posted & if you take a glance back - I start every entry with I know:

In any case, I am still alive - kicking & screaming - but those that really know me, know that's what I do. I'm a tough cookie, can roll with the punches - but I am sensitive as heLL... My husband tells me all the time "quit being such a girl" blank stare, blink, blink -

news flash

I AM A GIRL!!!!!!!

id10t

geeze

And on the subject of husbands... Why is it that when we were "dating", co-habitating, living in sin, I loved him to death - but now that we've exchanged vows and made it legal - All I want to do is ring his ding dang neck!?!?!?

I mean what is it that makes men and women so bleeping different??? We all come from a woman, as a gift from God... We are all created in God's image & taught right from wrong (well at least most of us are)... So why in the heLL are men so stupid (damn right, I called men stupid - sue me) when it comes to the emotional needs of women. Perhaps I need a man to answer that one, because they LOVE us, are attracted to us & even if you don't go the heterosexual route, it seems as if most gay men are portrayed as being feminine in tv & movies & even in my personal experience, having met a gay man or 2 in my day - they are totally feminine, so what gives??? Why are men so totally oblivious and ignorant to the needs and wants of women???

I suppose that's good for my rant of the day, week - month even, because my focus right now is not choking my husband!!!!