bah humbug

U know, I used 2 like Christmas...

I really did, my mom did a real good job at instilling the holiday spirit, but over the years I've become jaded...

Perhaps it started with my son's 1st Christmas, sad enough 2 say - this was also the day that my favorite auntie died - 12/25/1994. Maybe if that wasn't enough the very thought of family togetherness 4 the holiday season and life just not working out as you planned makes the holiday a depressing time 4 many out there.

Recently (very recently) an old friend of the family, since removed due to relationship issues, took his own life. A good man with an infant child, just could bare 2 go on no longer. Life & Death & Christmas... & now a recession!

When does it stop, when will the madness ever end?

I started writing a book... 4 a long time now I've dreamed of channelling my creative energy and emotions. Oh the emotions how I wish I could keep them in check. I started out strong, the angst of growing up a biracial child, raised white but clearly not. Tales of attention seeking measures & outcomes & on & on. But alas, I've fallen by the way side. Writing does truly help me 2 free up my heart a lil bit but then life dumps on you & it's the holidays & you want so much & have so little 2 get or give & it hurts, so you drink the pain away & struggle the next day 2 do it all over again...

On my own now, tryin 2 stay strong 4 my only child & teach him the right...

Until we meet again...